Into the Unknown...

Not only does the title of this blog make me want to channel my inner Elsa in an attempt to hit

those high notes (which are never hit), but it also fills me with a sense of dread.

The unknown. What does that mean? Why is the utterance of it saturated with fear? I think the fact that there is no answer……is the answer in itself.

There is no doubt that 2020 cast great uncertainty over the entire world. The onset of a global

pandemic no one could have predicted which genuinely threw normality into disarray. I still have those moments of strange realisation as I see deserted streets, a few hushed mask wearers

drifting by. This is our new normal. The real life Shaun of the Dead (without the humour). Where

one can only rely on the government to assign our fate- whatever they say goes and quite frankly

that changes on a day to day basis.

During the last wave of the pandemic (Dec 2020) it was reported that 50% of UK adults expressed extreme worry as a result of the uncertainty associated with Covid. (YouGov Plc, 2020). A statistic in defence of the notion that human beings like certainty.

I can certainly relate to this and as a performer I acknowledge that the unpredictable industry was a contributing factor to my ‘downfall’.

This got me thinking about the dichotomy of training in the dance world. Ultimately, in the dance studio there tends to be a desire to control. Whether that be a student attaining mastery of their body, the tutor dictating control over their dancers, or an attempt to manipulate a subsequent reaction. This could be something as simple as seeking praise from a teacher. I envisage the process much like a formula- if you stretch more, work hard- you’ll get better. Get better? Be good. Be good? = Get a job.

Well wouldn’t it be wonderful if it were that simple? I think if dancers were rewarded in proportion to their level of work ethic, there would be a lot more success stories out there. I’m not denying that commitment does play a huge part in career success, but what about that other factor? That mythical ingredient; Luck.

I think many like to ignore the existence of luck. After all, common phrases such as ‘you create

your own luck’ are often disputed, as though credit is deducted from anyone who has grafted in

order to achieve. But surely both luck and dedication can play a part?

Maybe it’s not so much about luck, but being in the right place at the right time. Having a face

which fits the part- something which I learnt often holds more weight than talent itself. Knowing the right people. Just having the right vibe. Maybe a dancer reminds a casting director of when they were young themselves? There can be so many reasons why someone gets the golden job offer how committed you are to the cause can only go so far.

I found this frankly, quite devastating. I didn’t realise how much I pinned my hopes on the idea that input would be related to output. But sometimes, there is only so much you can do. If i went for an audition and they were looking for a 5’2 brunette, no amount of sit ups were going to get me that job. This introduced the overwhelming sense of not having control over anything. I could never be enough, ever. The destructive road I proceeded down of subtly controlling my food and body weight perhaps counteracted this anxiety- proving the illusion that I could still have certainty over something.

Anyway- that went down a deep hole.

My point is, performers have to deal with this level of stress on an everyday basis. It may be a fairly novel concept to the rest of the world- to the Barbershop owner who awaits the briefings, waiting for the green light to reopen the salon To the retired Mother who fears that she’ll be unable to meet her due granddaughter until the cessation of the next wave. Or more significantly, to every person who dreads the day they get news of a positive Covid result. A virus which doesn’t discriminate and which navigates it’s path of destruction in no predictable manner.

No wonder our mental wellbeing is compromised.

So what is the answer? Well, I don’t think it’s nearly that simple but I do like the following quote,

spoken by John Allen Paulo:

“Uncertainty is the only certainty there is.” (Paulo, 1945 as cited in Hayes 2020)

A quote which for myself prompts an air of acceptance. We know what we resist persists and the

struggle to fix, correct or control is almost a pointless pursuit.

I must reference a conversation I had with a fellow ex performer, who only yesterday described that they were starting to feel more at peace than they had done in years. They account this relief to the acceptance that things just are just as they are. What can we do about it? For my friend, each day previously was spent scouring auditions and comparing success to others in the rat race of theatre.

Perhaps the fact that work is so scarce for EVERYONE in fact takes away that torture of human

comparison, thus enforcing the reassessment of our priorities.

Could it be a possibility that this pandemic could support the rediscovery of one’s values? I can say with certainty I will for one never take for granted being able to teach in a studio, where I can

actually SEE my students in the flesh. Many have expressed that it has emphasised the

importance of human connection, and I guess there’s nothing like a global pandemic to invite unity amongst us.

At this point as I transition from my BAPP student role, I don’t so much view it as a voyage into a

new uncertainty, because the unknown has always been and always will be a philosophy of life.

All I can use is the tools from my experiences gone by to help steer that ship into the days ahead.

And predictability is ‘boring’ right?

I shall look upon the introduction to the Dancestrong community with excitement, curiosity, and

possibility. 

I shall aim to revel into the UNKNOWN!

References

Hayes, J (2020, June 28). 20 Inspiring Quotes About Embracing Uncertainty. Retrieved January

29, 2021, from https://www.jenhayes.me/20-inspiring-quotes-about-embracing-uncertainty/

Wave 9: Pre-Christmas 2020. (2021, January 26). Retrieved January 29, 2021, from https://

www.mentalhealth.org.uk/wave-9-pre-christmas-2020 All figures are from YouGov Plc.

Total sample size was 4,277 UK adults 18+. Fieldwork was undertaken between 21st andthe 23rd December 2020. The survey was carried out online.